Joe is feeling like the Olympic gold medalist in thumb-twiddling, enjoying his daydreams so long as he can stay absorbed in them, and then, every so often, landing with a thud in a mucky puddle of shame. He knows what he needs to do today, and he’s getting increasingly angry at himself for not doing it. He’s just been assigned a big project, and if he pulls it off well, there could be a promotion in store. Right now, his imagination is telling him he’s fired.
This is not the first time Joe has drifted back and forth between distraction and deprecation. If you asked him, Joe would tell you, with downcast eyes, that he’s not a very motivated person.
Motivation Misconceptions
We’ve all felt like Joe at times. Some of us seek therapy because we don’t remember what it’s like to not feel that way. Whether this pattern of procrastination and self-flagellation passes like a storm cloud or sets in to permanently lower our self-esteem depends on what we believe about the nature of motivation. Joe is operating on some misconceptions about motivation that are keeping him stuck. If we interviewed him about how he thinks motivation works, here’s what he would tell us:
- You either have it or you don’t: Some people are just crazy motivated to do all kinds of impressive things. Joe has always been mystified by these people, wondering where they got their training in disciplined self-control. Joe thinks of himself as belonging to an entirely different category of human.
- Willpower is supposed to come from me: Whenever someone succeeds, it’s because they mustered the willpower to do what needed to be done. Joe is pretty sure that he just doesn’t have enough willpower to cut it. He wonders if there’s somewhere he can get some more.
These misconceptions are likely to lead to feeling helplessness, a hallmark of depression, as it doesn’t seem to Joe that there’s much he can do to increase his motivation. He might feel anxious about how things could get out of control in the future, as a result of his underperformance. He might conclude that he’s defective and then feel too ashamed to assert himself in any situation where his lack of motivation might be exposed. He might start passing on good opportunities, not wanting to risk failure.
The Situation Matters
What Joe doesn’t realize is that there are many factors that feed into the level of motivation we feel to tackle a task. Some of them have more to do with our situation than with us. Here is a breakdown of factors that are adding to or subtracting from Joe’s motivation on this project:
| Motivation | Situation Factor |
| ↑ | This project could win him a promotion. This is the kind of reward that can motivate us to make a big one-off effort, and it could be energizing here. |
| ↓ | He has doubts that he will get the promotion this time around. On the other hand, pouring effort into this project may not seem totally worth it, if it doesn’t end up leading to promotion. |
| ↓ | He has a rocky relationship with his boss. If he were to need his boss’s input on something, he wouldn’t be very comfortable approaching her. That’s a conversation he would rather avoid. |
| ↑ | The project will involve lots of collaboration. That’s perfect for him, because he loves working with people. |
| ↑ | He has the skills. He feels confident that he has the knowledge and know-how that are needed to execute this project. |
| ↓ | He wishes he had more control. He expected to be consulted more before the project got rolling. He doesn’t agree with some of the preliminary decisions, and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to change any minds. He may have to do this project their way. |
So there are several aspects of the situation that are bumping Joe’s motivation a little bit up or down. The motivation he feels is the total balance of all these contributing factors. Breaking it down in this way can help him to focus his efforts where they are most likely to make a difference.
Motivation Boosters that Work
Here are some things we might suggest to help Joe get started:
- Acknowledge the barriers with kindness: Notice how many factors are working against your motivation. You’re up against a lot. That is not easy. Give yourself some credit for taking on such a big challenge. Assuming a kind and supportive attitude toward yourself will help you overcome.
- Find what you enjoy or deeply care about: Really challenge yourself here to look past any unpleasantness that may be dominating your attention. Look hard enough and you will find some aspect of this project that you can take pleasure in performing or pride in having a hand in. Get clear about why this matters to you and how parts of it might even be fun.
- Assert agency: Again, challenge yourself to look past the frustrations of having limited control to find opportunities to claim ownership and make your own decisions, where possible.
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- Set SMART goals: Make a big, huge thing into several little, manageable things by setting subgoals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound.
- Visualize the steps: Picture yourself doing what is necessary to bring the project to completion. This will start to warm you up to the process, making those steps feel more and more doable, until you finally find yourself going and doing them.
- Plan how you’ll do it: Where is the best place to write a detailed report without distraction? When is the best time to update tracking spreadsheets? How much of each day are you willing to spend in meetings versus alone? Set up a structure you like that you can slot the work into.
- Monitor as you go: Once you start, how will you know that you’re still on track? It can provide lots of yummy positive feedback to have a system for tracking progress. What might you need to measure as your project unfolds?
How Therapy Can Help
A therapist is first and foremost interested in your wellbeing, not in your performance. A coach or tutor might be a valuable resource for you to add to your personal care team, but let’s wrap up this discussion by clarifying where therapy comes in.
If Joe went to therapy, he might learn to identify the deep-seated beliefs that keep him convinced that he will never change. It may come to light that, early in his life, a parent or teacher said “No” to most of Joe’s initiatives, teaching him not to get excited about his own ideas. Maybe they also criticized his efforts to please them, teaching him to expect humiliation whenever someone else is calling the shots. Joe might receive some psychoeducation on the science of motivation, from a credible book like Motivation Myth Busters¹, to correct his misconceptions about motivation, providing him with a rationale for trying new approaches to his problems.
After building a trusting relationship with his therapist, Joe might want to experiment with ways of boosting his motivation, debriefing each attempt in his next session, and little by little updating those old self-limiting beliefs, feeling less depressed and stuck, and discovering what practical methods work for him to help him achieve his goals.
References
1. Grolnick, W. S., Heddy, B. C., & Worrell, F. C. (2024). Motivation myth busters: Science-based strategies to boost motivation in yourself and others. American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/0000412-000