You’re in the middle of your friend group’s latest milestone marathon. One friend just bought a house with their partner, another sent out save-the-dates for their wedding, and yet another just announced their second baby on Instagram. You smile and cheer them on, but somewhere in the quiet moments of your day, a thought creeps in: Am I falling behind?
It’s a familiar feeling. Society loves to sell us the idea of a universal timeline: graduate, partner up, marry, have kids. Straying from that path can feel unsettling and isolating, as though we’re missing a critical step in life’s blueprint. But here’s the truth: life isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey, and the timeline you’ve been told to follow might not even align with your values.
So, what if being single isn’t a detour or delay but instead, the best thing that could happen to you right now?
Rewriting the Single Story
Being single is often seen as a “waiting room”, a transitional phase to rush through on the way to a “real” life. But emerging research and societal trends tell a different story. For many, this is a time of immense self-growth and autonomy, free from the compromises often required in relationships.
Psychological theories, such as self-determination theory, suggest that autonomy, the freedom to make choices aligned with your own values, is a key component of well-being. Being single provides a unique opportunity to cultivate this autonomy. Without the compromises often inherent in relationships, many single people find themselves better able to invest in their passions.
Think of this time as a blank canvas. Instead of waiting for someone to complete the picture, you get to create something entirely on your own.
Redefining Success
For far too long, society has equated success with hitting traditional milestones: engagement, marriage, parenthood. But these markers are just one way to live a fulfilling life, not the only way. Real success isn’t about checking off boxes, it’s about living authentically and creating a life that reflects your values.
This clarification is especially important as societal norms continue to evolve. Many people are choosing to remain single, valuing their independence and freedom. Others are exploring non-traditional relationships, opting out of parenthood, or prioritizing careers and passions. These choices aren’t deviations from the norm, they’re valid paths that reflect the diversity of modern life.
What if we celebrated these milestones the way we celebrate engagements or weddings? I mean, imagine throwing a party for someone who took a solo trip around the world, launched a business, or finally prioritized their mental health. These moments are just as worthy of recognition and remind us that success is deeply personal.
Better Single Than Stuck
A crucial point to note is that being in a relationship isn’t inherently better than being single. In fact, staying in a partnership where personal growth feels impossible can be far lonelier than truly being on your own.
Research on relational ambivalence, a state of being unsure about whether to stay in or leave a relationship, shows that remaining in an unfulfilling partnership can have detrimental effects on mental health.
Healthy relationships should foster growth, mutual support, and shared values. When someone feels they must diminish themselves to meet a partner’s expectations, or when their dreams and aspirations are placed on hold, the relationship can become a source of stagnation rather than fulfillment.
Choosing yourself instead of staying in an unfulfilling relationship is a courageous act of self-preservation.
Shifting Your Perspective
Of course, reframing your view is not always easy. Longing for connection and intimacy is natural, and societal pressures can make being on your own feel like a problem to be solved. But how we view this phase of life can make all the difference.
Cognitive reframing, a technique used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), involves shifting the way we interpret situations.
For example:
Negative perspective: “I’m 30, single, and stressed because I don’t know what my life will look like.”
Reframed perspective: “I’m 30, single, and excited to discover what my life will look like. I get to fall in love all over again—with myself, with life, and, when the time is right, with someone who truly deserves me.”
The first perspective is rooted in fear and scarcity. It focuses on what’s missing, equating being single with inadequacy. The second, however, is rooted in abundance. It sees the unknown as an adventure, an open field full of opportunities to explore, connect, and grow. By choosing the latter perspective, you can reframe this time as one of empowerment, not emptiness.
When loneliness or societal expectations creep in, try grounding yourself in what you’re gaining: autonomy, clarity, and the chance to live a life that reflects your values. These moments of self-reflection aren’t just empowering, they’re transformative.
Building a Life you Love
This phase of life isn’t a pause button, rather, it’s an invitation. It’s a time to build what excites you and makes you proud. Whether or not a relationship becomes part of that life, the foundation you create during this chapter will serve you for years to come.
Without the demands of a relationship, you have the space to ask: What do I want? What makes me happy? What kind of life do I want to build?
This is your time to:
Pursue your passions. Whether it’s writing, painting, or learning a new language, try something that excites you.
Travel solo. There’s nothing more liberating than waking up in a new city with an itinerary that’s entirely your own.
Focus on your mental health. Use this time to heal, reflect, and grow emotionally.
Invest in your physical health. Build a fitness routine that energizes and empowers you.
This chapter isn’t just about living for today. It’s about laying the groundwork for the future. By prioritizing your growth and fulfillment, you naturally attract people and opportunities aligned with your energy. When the right person comes along, they’ll meet someone who’s empowered and self-assured.
So take this time to cultivate meaningful relationships with friends and family, invest in your passions, and explore what makes you feel alive. When you create a life that feels full and fulfilling on its own, everything else becomes a bonus. A partner, if and when they arrive, will complement your happiness instead of defining it.
Embrace This Time
So, if you’re the “last single person” in your circle, remember this: you are not stuck. You are not waiting. You are living a full, meaningful, and beautiful life. Your milestones may not look like everyone else’s, but they are no less significant.
Being single isn’t a flaw or a phase to rush through. It’s an opportunity to grow, reflect, and thrive. Celebrate it. Embrace it. Because one day, you may look back on this chapter and realize it was one of the most transformative and liberating times of your life.
So here’s your challenge: take yourself on a solo date, try something you’ve always wanted to do, and revel in the freedom to live life entirely on your terms. The best is yet to come.