Raise a hand if you have experienced feelings of loneliness or isolation at times in your life. Unfortunately, that is probably most of us and there’s a good chance that we’ve felt lonely in the past 5 years (especially during COVID lockdowns). We live in a very fragmented and individualistic society, with technology playing a big role, but I want to offer an antidote to this feeling of social isolation: collective rituals. When we hear the word “ritual”, our minds may jump immediately to religious traditions, but that is only one type and we can all incorporate extraordinary and everyday rituals into our lives.
What are rituals and why engage in them?
A ritual is a set of actions performed in a specific way, often with an element of symbolism. One defining characteristic of a ritual is intentionality, and rituals often incorporate specific values or beliefs we hold. Rituals have existed for all of human history. Broader rituals include religious and spiritual practices, marking major events and milestones, celebrating holidays and seasonal changes, as well as coping and grieving practices. Rituals can also be incorporated into our daily lives through small moments of intentional connection, care, and grounding.
So why engage in rituals? It can be easy to fall into the slog of daily modern life: the never-ending to-do list, the sense of monotony yet overwhelm. It can get draining and also a bit mindless. It’s important to differentiate a ritual from a routine or habit. We typically implement routines or habits because they are functional, they may help with our productivity or efficiency. Rituals go beyond functionality and are centered on meaning and often invoke an emotional response. Rituals require more intention and attention. They help us feel connected to our communities, families, cultures, or higher powers. They allow us to honor traditions, reflect on memories, as well as stay in the present moment with the people around us.
Examples and Suggestions for Incorporating More Rituals Into Your Life
So far we’ve established what rituals are and what we can gain from engaging in them, now I want to offer a few examples that you may want to incorporate into your life, or perhaps you already have! Remember, the key is intention and presence; some rituals may be more universal while others can be specific to you and your relationships. The suggestions below are categorized by relationship type, but are not limited to those connections. You can expand or constrict the circle of engagement.
Couples: As a clinician who offers couple counseling, I often see that partners become disconnected and lack the everyday rituals that can do wonders for maintaining long-term connection.
- Greet each other at the end of the day or following time apart. This may seem minor but the intentional act of greeting your partner, making eye contact, perhaps sharing a hug or kiss, and a quick check-in on how they are doing/ how their day was re-establishes connection and engagement.
- Establish a practice of gratitude and appreciation. Taking a moment to pause and thank your partner for completing a task or doing something that made you feel cared for builds connection.
- Celebrate anniversaries and milestones of the relationship. This is the more traditional type of ritual of marking a special occasion. Going to a favorite restaurant or watching your wedding video every anniversary allows you to honor the history of the relationship while building further connection.
Family: Here I use the term family loosely; it may refer to those you share a household with, maybe your nuclear, extended, or chosen family. Some of these rituals are also great for couples and greater community circles.
- Share meals together. This one may feel very traditional and perhaps a little unrealistic in the modern-day busyness, but sitting together for a meal and engaging in intentional conversation allows for a bit of respite. Preferably these meals are happening without phones at the table or the TV on.
- Cook or bake together. This can go hand-in-hand with a shared meal, but preparing a dish of significance or a family favorite, including desserts can offer intentional time for connection.
- Have set board game or movie nights. Again, this may not feel like a ritual, but if you are all carving out time to intentionally come together and enjoy an activity, especially on a recurring basis, it can be a powerful connecting ritual.
- Collect and revisit family memories and honor family history. This may be looking through old photo albums or family heirlooms, or sharing stories from the past.
Community: The broad category of community may encompass many connecting factors, such as geography, cultural background, religious affiliation, shared interests, etc.
- Attend festivals, ceremonies, or events that celebrate your cultural or religious background.
- Volunteer or engage in community service. This may not seem like a ritual on the surface, but setting aside time to serve your community, whether it be serving food at a food pantry once a week or joining a community garden, helps us feel more connected and allow for a sense of collective purpose and meaning.
- Celebrating birthdays, weddings, graduations and other milestones within your friend group. Again, this may not be an obvious ritual, but marking major life events alongside others absolutely qualifies.
Individual: I briefly want to highlight the power of individual rituals that may allow us to be more present and grounded when we engage with others, especially for the introverts of the world.
- Engage in intentional self-care and reflective practices, such as journaling, meditating, movement, or crafts/ hobbies. When done with intention and a sense of meaning, these individual rituals allow us to recharge and reset so we can bring our best selves to our relationships with others.
My Favorite Rituals
I’d like to end with a couple of rituals from my own life that I really cherish and have given me that sense of connection and intention.
- For the past 5 years, I have celebrated my birthday with dinner at the same restaurant. I love intentionally bringing my closest friends together for a meal despite busy schedules. This ritual also incorporates my cultural heritage as we go to a beloved Ukrainian restaurant so I get to enjoy the amazing cuisine, honor my roots, and feel connected to loved ones as I celebrate another year in my life.
- In college, I was a part of a club that began each week’s meeting with the rose/bud/thorn exercise. This is a small reflection where you identify one thing that went well this week (rose), a challenge from the week (thorn), and something you are excited about or looking forward to (bud). It’s simple but starting off our weekly time together with intention and a glimpse into how each person was doing allowed for deeper connection and engagement.
So, if you have experienced feelings of loneliness, implementing rituals of connection may be a great way to re-engage. I’d like to offer a challenge to you to choose one ritual to put into motion this week!