Monogamy & Sex: Keeping it Sexy

Dorothy Hayden July 16, 2021

Eroticism is at its height at the beginning of a relationship. Then, mysteriously, it tends to subside. But if the couple is open-minded enough to learn about the emotional parts of their relationship that are impeding passion, your sex life can thrive.

Sexuality is a crucial energizing force in the lives of human beings. At its best, sex is an intimate relationship. It is an expression of the emotional bond between two people, which is best understood in terms of the dynamic of the relationship in which it exists.

A healthy sexual relationship reflects the quality of the bond between two individuals. Couples who cherish each other, are demonstrative about their love and are committed to the relationship’s growth tend to be most content in their sexual lives. 

How to have a great sex life

Most often, eroticism is at its height at the beginning of a relationship. Then, mysteriously, it tends to subside. But monogamous relationships need not be monotonous if the couple is open-minded enough to learn about the emotional parts of their relationship that are impeding passion. If a couple is willing enough to bring novelty, intense closeness, and sensuality into their relationship, their sex life can thrive.

Before anything else, to have a good sex life, you need to see yourself as a sexual human being who has an inherent right to sexual pleasure (regardless of body image). Know for a fact that you are innately lovable and sexy.

Recognizing the positives in your partner is also an essential piece of the satisfaction puzzle. This means not focusing on his love handles or the skin beginning to sag under her arms; focus instead on your partner’s general beauty. Love everything about them.

Listen to what feels good to your partner and what doesn’t without taking it as a sign of your inadequacy. Feedback from your partner is critical in negotiating satisfying sex. When there is distress in the relationship, this feedback is often given and received in the context of fears and anxieties. Learning how to communicate in this space is crucial to long-term relationship satisfaction.

If you are concerned about sexual desire and interest, please understand that it is common in intimate relationships for there to be a high-desire partner and a lower-desire partner. All couples learn to compromise, deal with the issue with some objectivity and humor, and not let it affect their relationship outside the bedroom.

However, for some couples, a desire gap can wreak havoc on the quality of their relationship and may be a stepping stone to divorce court. The high-desire partner may experience shame, rejection, self-doubt, and isolation as a result of being turned down for sex repeatedly. The low-desire partner may feel controlled, obligated, inadequate, resentful, and tyrannized.

Sexual/marital therapy offers a way out of this dilemma if the partners are committed and willing to keep an open mind. Relationship therapy also provides an avenue toward growth, novelty, and excitement in their sexual relationship.

The benefits of relationship therapy and sex counseling 

Eroticism cannot blossom in an environment filled with: chronic anger, resentment, power plays, blaming, withdrawal, hurt feelings, sadness, resignation, defensiveness, lack of trust, poor communication, or ambivalence about intimacy and commitment. Relationship therapy aims to replace these states with positive feelings, a sense of togetherness, and shared time and activities.

When relationship therapy skills are used with intense intimacy between sexual partners, the result is the experience of sexual potential; a realm few people experience because it takes willingness, commitment, energy, and fearlessness.

Sex counseling restores a sense of equality in a relationship. When one partner believes they are somewhat powerless or resents the other’s unilateral decision-making about sex, the situation is ripe for a control struggle. This “push-and-pull” spills over into the sexual relationship in the form of attempting to control sexuality by withholding sex or in the inhibition of sexual desire.

One of the functions of couples therapy and sex counseling is to enhance techniques that promote relational and sexual health. These include:

  • Clear communication, in and out of the bedroom.
  • Problem-solving/decision-making.
  • Conflict management.
  • Behavioral exchange skills, which teach partners to express positive and specific requests for behavioral changes in their partners in and out of the bedroom.
  • Becoming more detailed in your view of your sexuality. For example, what can you do to make a sexual encounter seem more magical? What communication problems are keeping you sexually deprived and emotionally distant? Is it embarrassing to ask for what you want sexually? Why aren’t you setting aside enough time for sex? Etc. 

Sex counseling skills take time and effort to learn and implement. But the reward is a new sense of sexual vitality and enhanced intimacy in your relationship. 
Connect with us today to learn more about how relationship therapy can improve your partnership.

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