For many, the holidays coming around the corner means time spent with loved ones, a break from work or school, and home-cooked food. However, for those struggling with disordered eating and body image this can be a very triggering and anxiety inducing time. This article will look at ways to set boundaries, manage difficult conversations, and refocus on what is meaningful to you during this season.
Set and keep boundaries:
Plan ahead of time what boundaries you need to set and have a plan on what to do if those boundaries are crossed. What is most important is that you feel mentally and physically safe. Give yourself permission to walk away from a conversation or leave the dinner table to take a break. Develop a script for how to shift conversations that become diet centered and switch to more affirming topics. You can even create cue cards with answers to questions or conversation shifters to help you feel more prepared. Some examples include: “I hear you’re really into a new diet, but can we talk about something more meaningful?” or “I’m just really thankful to have food to eat and to be able to spend time with friends and family today.”
Have a support buddy:
Pick a point person to go to for support during events. This can be someone already present or perhaps someone you can bring as a plus one. Once you’ve identified what boundaries to put in place, inform your point person and have a conversation ahead of time regarding how they can best support you. This might include knowing how and when to distract you or being in charge of shifting the conversation if it becomes too diet culture heavy. Come up with a code word or indication of when you need a break. It might even be useful to inform them of your specific triggers if you feel comfortable doing so. Most importantly, you do not have to do this alone!
Be mindful of social media:
Setting boundaries applies to social media as well. During the holidays, diet culture often intensifies. Be mindful of your social media exposure and curate a feed that centers around food and body acceptance.
Self care, self care, self care:
The holidays can be hectic, and making time for yourself can be difficult. Make self-care a priority. Identify what fills your cup and stick to it. Perhaps it’s treating yourself to a facial or taking a favorite class. Say no to plans that do not serve you or bring you joy. Embracing self-care will enhance your resilience in facing triggers.
“Play the tape forward”:
This is a commonly used CBT strategy for addiction recovery. When “playing the tape forward”, you are visualizing how something will play out and thus what you can do or how you may feel as a result. For example, if your Aunt Karen starts talking about her new fad diet and this triggers a desire to restrict, what can you do? How would you feel if you restricted yourself? What are the consequences and what can you do instead? You can also visualize having a great time and how well you will do at managing any stress. This technique can empower you to feel more in control of your actions as well as prepare you for difficult situations.
Bring your toolbox:
Create a toolbox of coping skills to bring with you. This could be a specific breathing technique, your favorite affirmations, or various distractions. Some examples of grounding techniques include box breathing, body scans, or progressive muscle relaxation. Affirmations might include “being more flexible with food allows me to have a full life” or “no food is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and all foods can fit into a healthy diet.” Find what works for you! For some, a distraction might include listening to calming music or a favorite podcaster. For others, it might be something more active such as taking a walk or stretching. Know what to do if you feel triggered or overwhelmed. Coming equipped with tools can ease anticipatory anxiety before holiday events.
Practice self-compassion:
This time of year might be hard for you, and that’s okay! Remember that you are doing the best you can and offer yourself grace. Identify and challenge the voice in your head telling you you are not good enough. Bring your attention to the here and now and focus on moving forward one step at a time. What you are doing is amazingly brave, and for that you should be celebrated. Remember: your body is the least interesting thing about you.
Not all traditions involve eating:
While it is important to challenge yourself to engage in food-related activities (because you deserve it!), not all holiday traditions need to involve eating. Maybe it’s watching a holiday movie, touring decorations, or handing out gifts. Or maybe you can do something else while eating to distract yourself. Perhaps your family can play a game of Heads Up or another boardgame at the table. It’s okay to come up with and share ways that make you feel safer around food.
Focus on gratitude:
Maintain focus on what is good about the holidays. Identify what you are grateful for and how it feels to have this in your life. It can be as simple as the sound of leaves crunching or the smell of firewood. Find ways of magnifying the joy in your day to day. Gratitude can also be practiced in regard to eating. If you’re at the stage to do so, focus on mindful or intuitive eating. Involve all your senses in experiencing your meal. Notice the texture, scent, and taste of what you’re eating as well as how you’re feeling. Accept what feelings arise for you either bad or good without judgment. Identify what you are grateful for about the food you are eating. Perhaps it is the fuel and nourishment it gives you or loved ones who have prepared it.
Identify coping statements:
Similar to creating a toolbox, identifying go-to coping statements can be useful in navigating stressful times. Some examples provided from the Within eating disorder treatment center include:
- My wellbeing doesn’t depend on my weight, size, or shape.
- I will treat my body with respect, love, and kindness.
- I deserve to be happy and feel fulfilled.
- I don’t need to exercise to eat or burn off a meal.
- I will be patient with myself, even when I slip up.
- I will trust the process.
- I am not defined by my eating disorder.
- I can’t control others, but I can control my outlook and my attitude.
- I will release the negative thoughts and feelings that don’t serve me
- I will take the time to appreciate myself.
Ultimately, it is okay for this time of year to be stressful. You are certainly not alone in that feeling. Find what works for you. Reach out to your support system and prioritize self-care. Not only will you survive this, but you deserve to enjoy it. And don’t forget to breathe!