Most of us have had the thought, “I’m just not good at this.” It tends to show up quickly, when something feels difficult, unfamiliar, or uncomfortable, and can just as quickly lead us to shut down or avoid trying altogether. But what if that thought isn’t actually a reflection of our ability, but rather a reflection of how we’ve learned to think about our ability?
At the core of this is a concept called neuroplasticity - the brain’s ability to change, adapt, and form new connections through experience. Simply put, our brains are not fixed. They are constantly changing and evolving based on what we practice, repeat, and engage in. This idea lays the foundation for what is known as a growth mindset: the belief that our thoughts and abilities can be developed over time, rather than being a fixed trait assigned to us at birth.
When the growth mindset is put to practice, the shift, while subtle, can be empowering. “I’m not good at this” becomes “I’m not good at this… yet.”
So, what makes this oh so small shift so empowering? It’s that our experiences and our mindset work together to shape our outcomes. The way we interpret challenge, failure, and effort directly impacts our ability to persist, adapt, and grow. Therefore, our mindset influences not only how we perform, but how we cope, how we build resilience, and ultimately how we see ourselves.
Research on mindset, largely developed by Carol Dweck, highlights a key distinction between fixed and growth-oriented thinking. This distinction can be seen through the lens of intelligence, a relatively fixed trait. When individuals are praised primarily for intelligence, the use of all or nothing thinking is utilized, often framing experiences in terms of success or failure. When something goes wrong, it can quickly become internalized as “I’m not capable,” leading to feelings of shame, helplessness, and avoidance. Over time, this causes individuals to be more likely to avoid challenges and give up when faced with difficulty.
In contrast, a growth mindset creates space for learning and adaptation. Research shows that when individuals focus on effort rather than fixed ability, they are more likely to persist through challenges, seek out new opportunities, and build resilience over time (Mueller & Dweck, 1998). This perspective not only supports stronger academic and emotional outcomes, but also encourages the development of more adaptive coping strategies, especially when navigating setbacks.
From a clinical standpoint, this matters. When we begin to shift away from rigid beliefs about ability, we also begin to reduce fear of failure and perfectionistic thinking. In its place, we can foster self-compassion, flexibility, and a greater willingness to try, even when something feels difficult or uncertain.
With the impact of the growth mindset clear, it is important to consider how these patterns develop, and differ, across gender. Research suggests that girls are more likely to receive feedback centered around being “good,” “smart,” or “well-behaved,” rather than on effort or process. While often well-intentioned, this type of feedback can increase the likelihood of falling into the bucket of being “fixed” which intrinsically opposes the growth mindset. This results in a trend of higher rates of internalizing behaviors, self-doubt and perfectionism in females over time.
These socialization patterns have an impact and can shape how challenges are approached. Girls may be more likely to avoid risk, attribute success to luck, and view failure as a reflection of their ability. Over time, these tendencies can persist into adulthood, showing up as imposter syndrome or fear of failure within careers and relationships. From a clinical perspective, growth mindset interventions can be especially impactful here, helping to interrupt and reframe these internalized narratives.
So how do we begin to apply this in everyday life?
One of the most accessible starting points is through language. Shifting from fixed statements to process-oriented ones can subtly reshape how we interpret our experiences. “I’m not good at this” becomes “I’m still learning this.” “I failed” becomes “This didn’t work yet.” These small adjustments reinforce the idea that ability is not predetermined, but something that develops over time.
This shift is also relevant in parenting, education, and therapy. Praising effort, “You worked really hard on that,” strategy, “That was a creative approach,” and persistence, “You kept going even when it was tough,” has been shown to support motivation and resilience (Mueller & Dweck, 1998). Over time, this helps individuals build a more adaptive and flexible relationship with challenges.
In therapy, these concepts are often integrated across modalities. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) supports the restructuring of fixed, self-limiting beliefs. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages willingness to experience discomfort in the service of growth. Self-compassion work, such as that developed by Kristin Neff, helps individuals respond to setbacks with kindness rather than criticism. Together, these approaches reinforce the idea that growth is not about perfection, but about continued engagement.
While the concept of a growth mindset is simple, its impact is significant. It is not a personality trait that some people have and others do not, it is a practice. One that is shaped through repetition, language, and lived experience.
References
American Association of University Women. (2010). Why so few? Women in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. AAUW.
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Gunderson, E. A., Gripshover, S. J., Romero, C., Dweck, C. S., Goldin-Meadow, S., & Levine, S. C. (2013). Parent praise to 1- to 3-year-olds predicts children’s motivational frameworks 5 years later. Child Development, 84(5), 1526–1541. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12064
Moser, J. S., Schroder, H. S., Heeter, C., Moran, T. P., & Lee, Y.-H. (2011). Mind your errors: Evidence for a neural mechanism linking growth mindset to adaptive post-error adjustments. Psychological Science, 22(12), 1484–1489. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797611419520
Mueller, C. M., & Dweck, C. S. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(1), 33–52. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.75.1.33
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032
Yeager, D. S., & Dweck, C. S. (2012). Mindsets that promote resilience: When students believe that personal characteristics can be developed. Educational Psychologist, 47(4), 302–314. https://doi.org/10.1080/00461520.2012.722805