Over the last decade, social media has risen exponentially across many different platforms. Humans are intrinsically social creatures, and it’s no surprise we’ve leaned on digital connection in our increasingly tech-forward world. Social media and technology can bring many benefits to our lives, such as maintaining relationships with friends and family that live far away and easy access to information, hobbies and interests. Digital sharing platforms make the previously inaccessible now accessible, but with its benefits there are also drawbacks.
Social media isn’t just a tool for connection, it’s also a stage for people to present their most curated, polished selves. When people only share their highlight reels, it can be easy to compare our lives to the curated ones we see online. We might see social plans we weren’t invited to or couldn’t attend, sparking feelings of exclusion or FOMO. These experiences are common in our increasingly digital world, and they can feel especially isolating for young people and teens who are shaping their sense of self and identity.
FOMO and Feelings of Exclusion
Seeing social events that we weren’t invited to or couldn’t attend can cause an immediate emotional reaction. Before social media, you might not have even been aware that these plans were taking place. Seeing photos and inside jokes in social media posts can reinforce a sense of being on the outside or excluded.
Seeing these posts can trigger a deep, almost instinctive response within us. Humans are social creatures, wired for belonging and community. Exclusion, whether it’s real or perceived, can feel like a threat to our nervous systems. Thoughts such as “Why wasn’t I included?” or “Do they not like me?” can quickly spiral, regardless of the situation. The emotional response doesn’t always come from the event itself, but from the meaning that we attach to it.
The Comparison Trap
Social media also makes it incredibly easy to compare ourselves constantly to others, be it people we know or strangers. You might compare your appearance, friendships, achievements, lifestyle, happiness to the curated moments you see online. Because people post their best moments, it can be easy to compare them to our everyday lives.
For young people this can feel especially intense. These years are when identity and self worth are forming, and validation from peers carries significant weight. Seeing others seemingly thrive can create the illusion that you’re doing something wrong or falling behind. Over time these comparisons can chip away at your self-esteem, even if you know that social media isn’t telling the whole story.
Pressure to Be “Enough”
When we see other people posting their best moments, it can create a subtle pressure to perform. We might feel the need to curate our social media so that we look interesting, successful, attractive, or socially active enough. This might show up by how often you post, what content you choose to share, and how much validation you receive through likes, comments, and views.
If social engagement becomes a benchmark for our worth, it can be easy to internalize the message that you’re only as valuable as your visibility. Posts that don’t get as much engagement can feel like a reflection of you, rather than just a result of the algorithm. This can create a toxic cycle of consuming idealized content, feeling like you don’t measure up to what you see online, and then feeling pressure to present a more polished version of yourself to ‘be enough’ to what you see online.
Why it Hits Young People Harder
Social media impacts people of all ages, but teens and young adults are particularly vulnerable for a few reasons.
During adolescence and young adulthood, the brain is still developing, specifically in areas related to self reflection and emotional regulation (Opoku et al., 2025). Rejection and comparison can feel more intense and harder to conceptualize from a developmental standpoint. During this time, young people are creating a sense of self and identity, which is often tied into social dynamics. Anything that feels like a threat to your sense of belonging, such as not being invited to something, can feel deeply personal and trigger an instant response. Additionally, endless scrolling and content means that we are constantly being exposed to this type of curated content. It can feel impossible to step away and reset from social media.
Healthier Alternatives
It’s important to remember that if you feel this way, these feelings are incredibly common and you’re not alone. Even people who seem confident and well-connected on social media experience feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.
Feeling this way doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you, it’s a natural response to seeing curated pages that highlight the best moments and leave out the rest. Acknowledging this doesn’t make the feelings disappear, but it can help create some distance from them and prompt you to explore healthier boundaries with social media.
Creating a healthier relationship with social media doesn’t mean we have to completely remove ourselves from it. Small, intentional shifts can make a big impact.
Start by paying attention to how you feel when using certain platforms. Are there particular accounts that trigger feeling insecure or left out? Blocking or muting accounts might help you get some space from pages that don’t make you feel your best. Because endless scrolling can amplify comparison, consider setting time limits for your usage. Short, more intentional scrolling might help reduce the need to be enough.
Another helpful way to improve your relationship with social media is to reframe the narrative when you catch yourself in a comparison spiral. Remind yourself that you’re only seeing a fraction of someone’s reality. Everyone has insecurities, struggles, and quiet moments that don’t get shared online.
Lastly, consider making time for more offline activities. Spending time with people who make you feel seen and participate in hobbies or activities that bring you joy can help reset your sense of self and make you feel more grounded.
Social media isn’t inherently bad, but it is a powerful tool that can shape how we see ourselves and others. If you ever feel left out, not enough, or caught in comparison, remind yourself that what you’re seeing is often a curated glimpse and not the full picture. Practice giving yourself some self-compassion when these feelings rise up, recognizing them and trying to understand where they come from.
References
Opoku, D., Donkor, C., Yeboah, J. N. O., & Quagraine, L. (2025). Navigating the relationship between social media use and mental health in the digital age. Discover mental health, 5(1), 149. https://doi.org/10.1007/s44192-025-00285-4