Holidays are often imagined as simple, comfortable, and full of celebration and family traditions. But for many, that ideal doesn’t match reality. Some can’t afford to travel home, while others simply don’t want to,“home” isn’t always the peaceful place it’s meant to be. Colleges often advertise their campus dorms as “home away from home,” but for many students, this is home now. They choose to stay in campus dorms, off-campus apartments, or somewhere in between. The roommate you once just split the Wi-Fi bill with suddenly becomes the person you decorate your space with or share meals beside. Contrary to popular belief, connection doesn’t always look like the traditions we grew up with, it often shows up in the moments we create here and now.
Redefining tradition
What does tradition really mean? What does it look like? At its core, tradition is simply repetition with meaning. Whether it’s making spaghetti and meatballs every Christmas or rewatching the same cliche Hallmark love stories in December, tradition is the act of saying, “This matters enough to do again and again.” There’s a liberating feeling in realizing you don’t have to follow the same script every year. You don’t need a room full of family or a perfectly prepared meal to feel the spirit of tradition. There’s beauty in rewriting your holiday story. Maybe this year, your “holiday dinner” is a potluck of leftovers and Trader Joe’s New York–style cheesecake, shared with your family of roommates, neighbors, or anyone else who stayed. Tradition doesn’t have to look perfect, it just matters that it’s yours.
Powerful small rituals
Not every moment has to be perfect. Rituals are about presence and being in the moment. Have you ever felt the soothing rhythm of hanging decorations in December, sharing a quiet breakfast, or putting on music while tidying up your space together? These small, repeated actions create moments of connection and routine togetherness. Rituals don’t have to be perfect. Their imperfections often make them more meaningful and unique. Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or nothing at all, these rituals help shape the very essence of togetherness. Have you tried making a shared Spotify playlist to listen to together, writing notes of appreciation, or planning a simple “roommate night” to celebrate each other? You might be surprised at how these small acts can turn into lasting memories long after the season ends.
The Gift of Being Seen
Many great gifts come wrapped, but the best gifts rarely do. What does that mean? It means offering genuine attention. Sometimes it sounds like, “I made you a strawberry smoothie because I know you like them.” Other times, it’s as simple as, “Hey, do you want to watch the Stranger Things finale with me?” At its core, it can even be as basic as, “How are you doing today, really?”
The holidays can stir a wide range of emotions—nostalgia, homesickness, anger, sadness, heartache, happiness, or cheer. It’s easy to glance at a roommate and assume, “Mary’s fine. Look, she's scrolling TikTok and laughing.” But beneath that laughter may lie quiet sadness or stress. Talk about it. Let someone know when you’re struggling.There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Odds are, they’ve felt the same at some point in their life.
We often fear vulnerability, thinking it will push people away, but in reality, it usually does the opposite. Vulnerability invites connection. If you notice a roommate or neighbor pulling away, check in and ask if they’d like company. Sometimes, they just need to know someone is there.
Offering genuine attention is one of the kindest things a human can do. When someone truly listens, asks open questions, and shows interest in what you have to say, that is the gift of being seen.
Boundaries and Connection
The holidays can sometimes feel like a blurry path. Emily might want to host a gathering, while Brandon craves quiet time. Everyone experiences the season differently. Some celebrate in big ways, some in small ways, and some not at all. Finding “alone time” during the holidays can be especially challenging when you live with someone else. Emily and Brandon may not always agree on plans or arrangements, but connection isn’t just about closeness; it’s also about respect.
Honesty is the best way to establish and maintain a healthy connection. Talk about your holiday expectations and ask what others need. If Brandon says he doesn’t want to host a gathering, Emily can understand that he simply needs time for himself, rather than taking it personally. From a mental health perspective, boundaries aren’t walls,they’re clarity. They protect your peace and give relationships room to breathe. Togetherness isn’t about forcing closeness or pretending to align; it’s about creating space where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued. That kind of connection lasts long after the holidays are over.
Managing Expectations
Social media can be a great way to connect with others, but it’s also easy to believe everything you see. Instagram might show you that Julia from college has the perfect family, the perfect joy, and the perfect holiday. The truth is, those photos don’t reveal the arguments, the loneliness, or the internal and external struggles that happen behind the scenes.
It’s okay if your holidays look different this year. Celebration can take countless forms, there’s no single “right” way to do it. Even when you’re with friends, you might still miss home, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong; it just means you’re human.
We often get so caught up in how things “should” look - should be joyful, should be festive, should be perfect, that we forget how they actually are. (For those keeping score at home, yes, “should statements” are a classic cognitive distortion.) Let yourself notice reality, imperfections and all They often hold more meaning than any filtered post.
Takeaways
At Humantold, we genuinely believe that connection is one of the most fundamental protective factors for mental health. This season, allow yourself to be present, to cook together, to rest apart, to laugh often, and everything in between. Check in with each other. Make new rituals and foundations to build upon. Make your own sense of belonging. Holidays are about what you create and the meaning that comes from that.How will you make this holiday your own?
Happy Holidays from the Humantold team